Dear Desperation
by athenares
Summary: How can a god be able to split his love—or yet to admit a portion of lust—to one who is bound to be a virgin forever? Dual perspective one shot. Tear jerker. Please Review! AthenAres.


_Why does it have to be that the ones we desire are the ones who loathe us most? _

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She looked so beautiful today. Right then and now whenever I get lost into deep meditation, those perfectly silver grey eyes open up to suck me in such hiatus. I could never imagine such heavenly consent to touch those soft peachy cheeks, to trace those thin deep rose red lips, and how my fingers itch to run through her silky brunette hair and feel each lock twirl beneath my palms.

Zeus would have struck me dead if he caught how often I steal a second only to glance at her magnificence, to imagine myself next to her, to hold her, tease her, and all the while to love her. Her every move makes my world shake and a drip of her words can be enough to let me fall into my knees. It is very unjust how I have built up the apathy and pride to reign over my thoughts for eons of years, only to let her melt the manliness in a divided second. I have become much diluted in turmoil to think how I can be able to please a female without words, yet a millennia of pleading is not enough to let me share a conversation with her.

I find it funny how, in divine gatherings and celebrations, I get to eavesdrop more on what any other male deity has got to say to her on another room than to listen to the one I am talking to. Right now I smile at the thoughts of how I get to be envious at women who can easily fill the gap between her and them. How I wanted very—very—much to at least hear her say my name the sweetest way deprives me of concentration.

But how can a god be able to split his love—or yet to admit a portion of _lust_—to one who is bound to be a virgin forever?

Tonight I have shed my very first tear; I have felt for the first time the unimaginable weakness from emotional pain. I watched how this tiny droplet which streaked from my eyes sinks into this parchment which I will soon bring to the flames. I admire her courage as she stood in front of us all gods: both pure and demi, only to announce her marriage to celibacy. Zeus has never been so happy and proud; she is in fact, his favorite daughter. And I am his most hated son.

I cannot express how cold my throat had been, struck by the delusion of truth. I clapped my hands together and smiled to complement the happy faces around me, but deep inside I felt my heart bleed to the endless abyss. As soon as my smile crooked and my eyes blurred from this salty liquid, I immediately exited and kept myself secluded from all the merry-making.

I can only comfort myself thinking that I am this goon considered to be the shithead with pathetic bloodlust eyes out for another set of trouble and women while she is this perfect creature who can distinguish wrong from right, who can protect cities under siege, who is able to cite the Homeric hymns and archived songs from basic memory, and the maiden whose purity blinds mortals.

She will never love me.

**Ares**

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I have just woken up, feeling the stinging bulge under my eyes. It was then I remembered crying until my eyes passed out, knowing I have forever ran out of hope in search of his affection. This day I have declared the most venomous decision I have ever made. A decision which left me numb, knowing completely how the chance to let me feel how it is to be touched disappears with the agreement to my father. Ho w I ached, just for once, to at least spend a moment with the touch of his fingers against my cheeks. For long I have wondered how heavenly would it be to be beside the one whom you've set eyes the most. As I close mine, I came to question if he can see me the way that I can clearly envision him in the vast emptiness of my thoughts. Oh those fierce scarlet pools of eyes would have been terrible to look at by a mere mortal, but to me it has been a very beautiful sight only to have them stare through me.

Just for now I have realized how foolish it was to hope that I can be able to weaken the veracity in his mind, to tame his hunger for war, and to replace his bloodlust with love. I find myself in total loss of my concentration to take a chance at least to peer through the crowd and steal a glance at him. No matter how hard I'd like to, my shyness melts me. On the corner of my eyes I can see him looking at my direction, but I wilt from the fact that I am beside Aphrodite all the time. Who wouldn't be enthralled by her ever famous beauty and grace? I knew it all along that she was whom he had forever indulged upon. And though my heart bleeds at this fact, I am happy for my dear friend, and I will forever pray for her never to hurt him. They would make a very wonderful couple.

As my eyes drown with tears, I have been saying his name in the sweetest possible way. Praying more and more for his happiness, and I have been paralyzed by the single shape of his name from my lips. I wondered if right now he was able to think of me, though it would be most impossible. How can I equal to the goddess of beauty?

After I've declared my vow and all the gods admired me, I can almost hear him laugh and mock me. In fact he never approached me. He merely left without another word, and I felt shameful at this moment. What would he have thought? He must have been smiling all the way and been utterly disappointed how dumb it is for one to be vowed in maidenhood. Never the less, we have nothing in common. We never spoke to each other, never touched, and never exchanged a look since the beginning of the world.

The only reassurance I can gain is that I am this brainy geek who loved nothing but reading history and philosophies, a sole defender of cities. I am this plain and simple Athena, while he is this heartthrob warrior clad in the handsomest armors...who is best paired with one equal to his beauty.

He will never notice me.

**Athena**

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**A/N:** Oh no. Did I just break them again? Lol. **xD**

_**Please review.** _It would mean a lot of comfort. **Thanks!**

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**~AthenAres~  
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